The signs as quotes from Freeman’s Mind

tt-vision:

Aries: “Ugh. Darwin was right. I didn’t realize I was working with a bunch of lemmings.”

Taurus: “I should think less like a human being that uses doors, and more like a… squirrel that has anger problems.”

Gemini: “It’s like the classic debate of why measuring the position of an electron changes its momentum and vice-versa. The only correct answer is to get drunk and set fire to things.”

Cancer: “Since this morning, I’ve been bitten, shot, bombed, electrocuted, almost drowned, almost fallen to my death, and strangled. Rasputin wasn’t so lucky.”

Leo: “I HAVE TO BLOW EVERYTHING UP. IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO PROVE THAT I’M NOT CRAZY.”

Virgo: “You can never prove the absence of ninjas, only their direct presence.”

Libra: “What was that Nietzsche said? ‘He who fights drummers should see to it that in the process he does not himself become a drummer’? […] I wonder if Nietzsche was in a band. I bet he was. I should look him up when I get out of here. I bet the songs have pretty deep lyrics.”

Scorpio: “Friends are like weeds that scream.”

Sagittarius: “It looks like an anemometer, but it is not. Anemometers don’t fire bullets. Not even the expensive ones. Or I don’t think they do. If they do, meteorologists are more hardcore than I thought.”

Capricorn: “So yeah, I’m killing people now. But that was NOT murder. That was TOTALLY self-defense. Just because I have a sub-machine gun doesn’t change anything.”

Aquarius: “I do belong in a pedestal, but metaphorically, God damn it!”

Pisces: “CALL ME ISHMAEL, BITCH.”